it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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