You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
