where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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