She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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