if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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