I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
