I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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