what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
