well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
