I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
