Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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