...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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