you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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