Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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