I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
