how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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