I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize