If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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