the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Life without a bra equals bliss.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
