i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
