my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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