how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize