saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
