New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
