Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Boobs are out for the taking
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
