fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
