"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk is a universal language darling
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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