sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
