i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
