she looked like the before picture.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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