I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize