okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
is it fun? or sober?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
