You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
