Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
