i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
