next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
