You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
