im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
