How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
