I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
