I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize