You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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