My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
