I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
