I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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