It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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