And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
