matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
