Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can tuck mytits in my pants
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
