if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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