Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
