hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
