He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
