Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
