DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
