when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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