I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
