Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
