A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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