I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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