Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
