I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
