your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Randomize
