My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
