so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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