do herpes really smell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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