Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
