he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
