yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
